In case you missed the news at all yesterday, March 12, Aunt Becky is in trouble. Well, Aunt Becky along with 49 other people including Felicity Huffman.
Huffman and actress Lori Loughlin (Aunt Becky on Full House) are among the dozens named in the college admissions cheating scandal.
I just have one questions… why? Like… WHY?
Real Money… Seriously?
I have two children, 5 and 15. We aren’t far from the college years for our oldest and I will tell you this much, there is no way this mama will be that involved in his process. I mean Loughlin and Huffman paid money, real money not Monopoly money, to manipulate the system in favor of their kiddos. I don’t even have $5 sitting around right now to go toward college tuition let along have a crooked idea like this cross my twisted brain.
How does this even enter the minds of parents?
Reportedly Loughlin’s oldest daughter Olivia Jade said on her YouTube channel that she doesn’t even care about school. Oh my goodness, honey. Sweet, precious child. I wonder if she even understands the depth of her privilege?
There are so many days in this life when I am thankful for my upbringing and today is one of them. I can not imagine how my parents would have reacted to my indifference and apathy. They certainly would not have paid $500,000 to get me into school. No way in this universe. Matter of fact, I paid for the majority of my college education and worked hard for it. I am PROUD of that and am thankful for the financial position of my parents.
Dr. Alison Escalante said in a post on Psychology Today March 12, “We live in a culture of intensive parenting that values a child’s comfort, self-esteem and success above all else, and holds the parents entirely responsible. Perhaps this is exactly what we can expect people to do in a culture like this. Yes, the price tag is astonishing. $1.2 million to get admitted to Yale makes little sense if you consider the expected return on investment. But that parent made sure to get their child what they believed they needed, even to the point of a criminal fraud.”
Intensive parenting… that’s it, isn’t it?
Loughlin and Huffman have had pretty quiet careers as far as the tabloids go so why criminal fraud for their children? I don’t know exactly. But let me tell you a little personal story.
Last year for 8th grade our oldest was enrolled in a fabulous private school. The private school walked through some tough learning differences with us and helped us get our footing for high school. But I will tell you, and my husband will tell you, that the decision of where to go for high school was excruciating for me. I’m fairly certain I either called or visited most private high schools in our city on a quest to find the PERFECT fit for our son. The public school was never an option in my mind because I didn’t think they could accommodate our son based on our experience at a different public school years earlier.
I spent hours researching, calling, visiting, etc. And you know what happened? We never found a perfect fit. Our family ultimately decided on the public school in our community and it has been the absolute best place for him this year. We are so thankful that I WAS WRONG. We love our son’s school and the teachers have been a wonderful fit for him this year.
What drove my insanity in all of that wasted time and research? Easy: crazy love for my son. I wanted the absolute best for him and was willing to sacrifice a lot of time to find it. I also think for most parents there is this thought in the back of our minds that in order for little Billy or Susie to make it in life mom and dad have to do all of the leg work.
I learned my lesson last year as I tried to control the school choice situation. The situation became beautiful when I let go.
I don’t know these wealthy parents but I am a parent so maybe I can kind of get it. They want the best for little Billy or Susie even though little Billy and Susie don’t have the grades, the credentials, the ability to survive at an elite school. So perhaps we ignore the signs to keep up with the pressures around us as parents to see our children succeed. Maybe that’s what was happening?
Worrying and Fretting Too Much
In my previous life I taught a couple of college journalism classes and had a couple of parents call or visit during my tenure. They were concerned about the pressure on their children. They were worried about their son or daughter’s work load, the late nights spent in the college newsroom, the stress little Billy or Susie was feeling. Can I get a face palm emoji?
One time I even had a parent beg me to let their child pass this practicum course so they could graduate even though their child rarely came to class and never turned in assignments. She didn’t do the work. Period.
Intensive, over, helicopter, crazy parenting. That’s the problem, isn’t it? Let go, mom and dad. Trust your child to live their adult life. Don’t get over involved even if you don’t like the decisions. They have to fall and get bruised. That’s part of life.
When our oldest reaches the college or no college decision there are a number of factors that are out of his and our control that will make his path clear for him, I’m certain. And that is ok. I’m going to bite my tongue and trust my boy to make decisions for himself even if he falls and gets bruised a bit. I believe in him and I know that when he does fall he will get back up. That’s a fact.
What if we reflect on how in a lesser way, while still within the legal bounds, we have sometimes done things that may send this kind of message to our kids? Can we shift a bit and try to tell our kids that we trust their abilities? Can we tell them that we trust them to figure it out?
Dr. Alison Escalante, Psychology Today
There is also the need to talk about income disparity and privilege in college admissions but that’s another post.
For now, mamas, let go when it’s appropriate. Let little Billy and Susie fall and get bruised from time to time. They will be ok and they will be better off for it. Let your four-year-old play outside and get some skinned knees. Let your daughter work through that problem with her friend from school on her own. She will be stronger. Hold your teenager as he cries after his first breakup—do not give the girl a piece of your mind. Let your child go to college and fail some. The taste of failure inspires success. They will be ok. And so will you.
Mama Frazzled 
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