Unapologetically Changing Series: Race in America, Part 2

I have always believed most people are good. I still do. But…

For whatever reason something has changed in me. I can’t put my finger on it. I think I can best explain it by saying I still believe most people are good but I don’t think the majority of people take the time to really understand each other. And I think that’s sad.

I think we are a busy culture. We are most definitely a self-centered culture. We even value busyness. If we’re busy we must be succeeding.

In that busyness we are missing opportunities. We miss opportunities to teach our children empathy. We miss opportunities to listen to people. We miss opportunities to make new friends.

I love this quote. Imagine if we applied this principle to everything in our lives. We slow down, we get in tune with the rhythm of the people around us, and we begin to carry each others’ loads—synchronizing.

Implicit Bias, You, and Me

Retired NFL player Benjamin Watson says in his book Under Our Skin, “The solution to race in America will be found only by ordinary people, ‘good’ people, looking inside themselves, being honest about the assumptions and biases that have formed, and beginning to change what’s in their hearts.”

What are we looking for in ourselves? This is a hard one, right? It’s challenging and sanctifying work to look at ourselves.

It was a few years ago when the term implicit bias became a national topic. Mahzarin Rustum Banaji is an American psychologist at Harvard University who pioneered this work in implicit bias research. We all have bias. Not sure what that means? I highly encourage you to watch this short video from PBS, Implicit Bias: Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Racism.

We all have bias toward others. I remember a time in college I was living in an off-campus apartment. I was pulling into the complex parking lot one evening and I saw a black man walking in the parking lot. I confess that the first thing I thought about that man was he might hurt me. So I drove away and came back when he was gone. Was I being racist toward that man because he was black? No, I don’t think so. Was I stirring up some preconditioned bias in my heart? 100 percent yes. Just like one of the men in the PBS video says, so many of us have a bias inside of us that says black men are violent. Are some? Sure. Are some white men violent? You betcha. If that were a white man walking in the parking lot would I have felt the same fear? As a young girl perhaps but I truly don’t know at that point in my life if I would have.

We must do heart-work and come face-to-face with bias that is inside of us toward anyone of any race, religion, etc. It’s important that we do. This means being honest and confessing to one another how we have had bias in the past. Look that bias in the eye and figure out where it came from… then throw that bias in the trash and if it ever starts to resurface in your heart have the eyes to see it and the strength to throw it in the trash again.

Mr. Watson in his book, which is excellent by the way, also says, “There is a unique power within the human heart to overcome hate and racism.”

Run, don’t walk, to Amazon and get a copy of Under Our Skin. I’m a busy working mom and read this book in two days. He is heartfelt and honest when it comes to race in America and the read is worth your time.

I believe the racial problem of ‘us versus them’ continues because there is an ‘us’ and there is a ‘them.’

What if there were just an ‘us’? What if we made it personal by doing more to erase the racial divide in our own lives? What if we sought intentional relationships with people who are not of our race?

The key to this idea is the word intentional. Because America is still significantly segregated, there aren’t always natural opportunities to make friends with someone of another race. And because of the great disparity between the number of whites and blacks, the natural opportunities for a white person to make friends with a black person are more limited. It will require both groups to make an intentional effort.

Benjamin Watson, Under Our Skin

Just yesterday the BBC launched a new series, Crossing Divides. The title of the first segment is One thing Americans find hard to talk about. Hmm… I wonder what that is? Just kidding.

We struggle in our country — S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E — with the conversation of race. We’re scared. Scared of so much, right? It’s time to shed that fear and reach across divides. It’s time to be intentional about facing the bias in our hearts. It’s time for us to be truly united.

Will you join me in doing the heart-work?

If you’re not sure where to start, may I recommend the resources listed in this post? And one more thing, practice listening. Start with this song.

Artist Victory’s song Who I Am is a great place to start practicing listening to the experience of others.

I was born in a world of great divide
We all live together, but we’re not all on the same side
When I was a child, I didn’t see all the lines
But that was until reality opened up my eyes
I saw people that look like me
Pray for equality
While others believe in supremacy, I saw my people in chains mentally

Victory

Read the books, listen to the music, watch the movies, and consider the experiences shared. Think about the words being you have heard and value the experience of others. Then place that information in your own heart and synchronize.

Practically it looks different for everyone. You’ll find your way. But just start. Like I said, start with a book. Start with a song. Start with a conversation. Just start. And start considering what you’re learning. Oh my… how that will help this what seems impossible divide in our nation.

A list of books to get you started. There are many more but I suggest starting with one of these:

• Under Our Skin, Benjamin Watson
• The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas
• I’m Still Here—Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, Austin Channing Brown
• Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, Beverly Daniel Tatum
• The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America, Richard Rothstein
• White Awake: An Honest Look at What It Means to Be White, Daniel Hill

Stay tuned to this series. Soon I’ll be sharing some stories of people who have done this heart-work. Their stories will encourage you and inspire you to do the same.

Thanks so much for reading and being a part of this important conversation! Be a part of the change, friends.